My religion is one of thankfulness.

And I will stand by this unto my dying day.
It took a hecka long time to figure out. But it's where it's at.

Also, Norman and his wife Nancy Blake are kinda where it's at too.

Death Up Close

The heavy-born heart-attack left him in a heap, on stony floor.
Strangers strung round lifting lifeless limbs, prying for a pulse.
In static silence stragglers stayed, and shared their very lungs,
while lunging fists in fits of futile strains upon his chest.
For 30 minutes, he lay still, piss upon his pants,
quite likened to the helpless babe I'd held that morning light.
Helplessly we enter, and helplessly we part,
It is the blinking middle, that sets our lives apart.
The paramedics came and shook his body with a jolt
and twice times ten they did again, and filled his corpse with volts.
Medicine streamed through him by straws stuck in his skin
All stood waiting watching, with the outlook growing dim.
A shiver filled me when at last, the dying man did sigh,
He breathed alone, his stomach rose, life not been denied.

The Maker of all things was present causing me to see
That the Supernatural was most clearly seen in the Natural around me.
The most miraculous thing I'd seen ever in my life, was how God breathed into a lifeless man, with twenty men beside.

In this I saw Him save the world,
using the world...
For God so loved the World.
This is my Father's world.

I still want it to be you.
Everyday.

Your little things...

...touch me big.
It's always been this way.

Out on the Weekend.

Scammed out of 2,300$ made me feel like the biggest National dingus, ever. But I went to a wedding the day after, and it was so beautiful, and lovely, and I was totally loosing it even though I didn't know the couple, but you could see the love, and I was overwhelmed by how stinkin' GREAT love, and marriage, and sex and monogamy, and food and music are... And I realized these are the things that matter - being happy in a moment, with those you love... That's what these jobs have brought me, and I thought they were a gift from God to help me earn money to finance my trip, but they were actually a gift from God, so that I'd have true souls to pour all my love into again, & have it returned, and in that, nothing has been lost. I even met a hairy hippie wholesome vegan boy handyman, and as much as I sorta like him, when Niel Young came on, I had instant tears and a flood of emotions reminding me: that there's a boy that's touched me deeper than all the other boys, and I do feel a bit bad, because no one is really able to compete with that.

As hard as I try...

It's always you I want in the direst hour, and truest noonday light.
Life is good, lovely. Full and filled with blessings, and I am happy every day to be alive. My life today is more blessed than I could have imagined. Really, and it is all because of the life in it, traced of Love from a merciful God. There is much joy, and purpose, and distraction, of the pleasant sort. There is richness and beauty, and I am content. But every so often it strikes me bitter hard that you're the only one that really has my heart. I miss you. And I'll carry on, and it'll be alright - because it has been, and He is Good. But I love you, in ways that surprise me all the more each day. Just like broken castle walls, in sunlit storm, a rose standing.

Hello my old heart, my new heart, my heart right now.
I found you once again, or did you find me this time?