normal

I took in a a breath and for a second my brain smelled diner-coffee and beach B.o. and old cars in the city... and it made me think of you... but probably just because most things make me think of you.

Missing home...

It hurts.
It still hurts just the same.
I must remember about love, that it gives, and that it hopes and that it preservers. Teach me these things, Father. You are them all. You long for the peace and happiness of all mankind. Let me be like you in this. Let me be happy if he is happy. Help me, though. Help me remember all the things all the time, all throughout the day, when all the feelings feel so strong. And when my heart feels the most weakest and wistful, with all the remembering.

I trust the story, and the storyteller.

How will it be when I am there?
Will I feel closer to you, or farther away?
Will the world seem smaller of bigger?
These are questions that can only be answered in the doing, though I feel I can already see them etched against the mountainsides and dirty cities, and in the air blowing by all around us, taking us all this way, to and fro, together and apart. Won't my heart just become more sure of all it's ever known, and all it was meant to know? Yes, this is why I am going.
And it is for this I will return.

How strange this is how me make our way in the world. But not so strange, really.

My religion is one of thankfulness.

And I will stand by this unto my dying day.
It took a hecka long time to figure out. But it's where it's at.

Also, Norman and his wife Nancy Blake are kinda where it's at too.

Death Up Close

The heavy-born heart-attack left him in a heap, on stony floor.
Strangers strung round lifting lifeless limbs, prying for a pulse.
In static silence stragglers stayed, and shared their very lungs,
while lunging fists in fits of futile strains upon his chest.
For 30 minutes, he lay still, piss upon his pants,
quite likened to the helpless babe I'd held that morning light.
Helplessly we enter, and helplessly we part,
It is the blinking middle, that sets our lives apart.
The paramedics came and shook his body with a jolt
and twice times ten they did again, and filled his corpse with volts.
Medicine streamed through him by straws stuck in his skin
All stood waiting watching, with the outlook growing dim.
A shiver filled me when at last, the dying man did sigh,
He breathed alone, his stomach rose, life not been denied.

The Maker of all things was present causing me to see
That the Supernatural was most clearly seen in the Natural around me.
The most miraculous thing I'd seen ever in my life, was how God breathed into a lifeless man, with twenty men beside.

In this I saw Him save the world,
using the world...
For God so loved the World.
This is my Father's world.

I still want it to be you.
Everyday.

Your little things...

...touch me big.
It's always been this way.