on: persuit

These specific days and hours find me longing for the sacred more than anything. I'm finding it in the cracks of windy willows; while embracing strength and sensitivity all in the same breath. It's standing firm and letting the spirit sway you all at once. What wonder. It's splattered everywhere.

I sat amongst 3 other girls, but I could not join them in their activities this time, because I desire the right timing, and a holy moment more than escaping, more than numbing. I'd rather feel all the hot tears run down my cheeks, while feeling invisible to the world, but know I'm seen and known in a way deeper than the soil knows a root and deeper than the kelp knows the sea.

I never want to grow a shell so crusted shut around my heart. But saying fuckit is different. It's healthy, I do believe. Because you need to give the finger to your fears, or you'll miss out on so much.

But wouldya look what the messenger brought me this morning. Such a collection of sacred meaningful things. Even a peach, he couldn't know the significance they hold for me. But no amount of orchards of peach trees, or bowl of berries, or feathers, or crosses, or ukuleles, or sunflower seeds, or collages or concerts will make me love him the way he wants me to love him. I'm sorry. You are a wonderful refreshing human. But it's not gonna be me.