I miss Summer Days.

I miss....
The Warmth...
The Colors...
The Sounds...
The Sandy Feet...
The Friends...
The Long Days at the Beach....
The Freedom....
and the Late Afternoon Sun.

....but Fall is nice, too.

There's A Lot.

To be thankful for.

Let's Take a Moment.

.....to look back at some old poetry, of mine and of my friends, that I recently found in a old journal from 2006, shall we? :-)

Rain

(my German friend wrote this back when we were living at the Camp, during the summer of 2006. The group of us would spend breaks and our evening in the staffroom or the lodge writing poems and making music. For a boy who was, at the time, very new to the English language, I think he did an amazing job with this little composition. I've always loved it. You gotta read it with a heavy German accent, to get the full effect, though.)

It was just one second, and my life has changed
In the most cloudy moments when the wind felt strange
I saw you walking through the storm with sunlight in your eyes
Seems like nothing could break you down with your smile so nice
I stood there in the rain, and suddenly you looked at me
Your view, so strong, no rain where you stood, I could see
You asked me something but I didn't understand
I will never know what you said, or what it meant
The wind was too loud and I was too slow - I couldn't move
So you passed by, and I knew I love you, but I cannot prove
And I stood alone again and felt tears rolling down my face
I felt naked and without a home, there was no solid place
And I don't know you but I really want to
And all the things you have gone through
But I saw you and lost you in between one moment
But without you and your smile, I feel no stand

So in the middle of my pain and crying
I stood up from the ground where I was laying
I opened my eyes and started to look for you
But you were not there, so I started a search without a clue
And I'm still on my search for this face I saw
The rain has stopped, and I've started to draw
And I draw your face on every paper that's next to me
Becasue all the days and all the nights, that's what I see
I haven't found you yet, but when I think of you I start to smile
This is a moment of silence, and I can rest for a while
I know now that you are there anywhere in this great wide open
I will find you someday and the words you have spoken
I wouldn't dream to stop until the day I find you again out there
And maybe you'll stay in the rain this day, and I'll have a smile to share
I will ask you something, and you will not understand with all your pain
But I will come to you, pull you out and dry you from all the rain
And I will ask you again by whispering in your ear
Then you will see I was on my journey and there is no more fear
I will take your hand and show you allthe places you have never been before
And I will look into your eyes and say: "I will never let you go, anymore."

Red Moon In The Jungle

One day in the Hoh Rainforest of Washington state where we were camping, I peered out the bus windows and looked through the tall trees to see a red moon shining back at me. This may seem like a bunch of random lines. But each one does have a story; you had to have been living in a bus, traveling the country for several months to get every detail. :-)

Love, love is a verb. Love is a "doing word."

{Thanks Gwenie and Mikaela, for helping me get this pic!}

Tonight.

I want to dream

of open fields

dancing barefoot in the tall grass

of lovers
on a hunt
united

under the low-key sky
in springtime love

new discoveries
of each others' minds

tenderness + innocence

a love for nature
and everything
pure

goodnight.

Conclusion of the Matter:

Sufjan Stevens = one part: slightly creepy, leading to extremely uncomfortable dissonance; one part: pure awesome and complete harmonious soothing lullaby.

"Sometimes the hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."

Honestly, right now often times, I feel really [unsettled].
I believe in perfection. Or if not that: perfect peace.
Perhaps a better way to say it is: I believe in completeness.
In wholeness. In full satisfaction.

It's not "happily ever after", I know that.
But it's attainable. If peace were not attainable, it would not exist.
And I know it does.

Possibly "the best thing in the world"...

is to be sitting and watching while loved ones (particularly little unself-conscious loved ones), flit and float and filter in and out all around you. Unconscious tenderness and affection. People. Clumps of lovely people - recognized, in a moment, in a step away from it all, and then an eager lunge back...

Oh to sit, and be together. In all the casual routine and improvised mellow warmth of... living. Existing together in love and beautiful life.... and realizing it.

What a gift.

Maiden Voyage

No longer a virgin to the open road...
Yellow line sweeping in front of me...
Headlights on. Radio On. Engine On.

Alone, all alone in the pilot's seat.
I'm a queen - this truck, my palace.

Firsts should be memorable.
This one was. I'm not mad. But nor am I surprised.
It was classic, really.

Oh Tallulabelle May... My Little GMC Jimmy,
Are you playing tricks on me? Or was this simply the foreboding imperial judgment of God, telling me: I should not be a woman of the highway...

Is your carborator just old, and your idle slow?
Or was the fact that you stalled and failed time again on our first journey together a sign and an omen to me? If it was... what was it saying?

Pray tell.

:-)

I got to spend the day with this bunch.
Lucky girl, am I!

Repetitive...

I'm trying my hardest, hardest, hardest not to be.

"Migrant Mother"

My rendition... Inspired by Dorothea Lange...

Trek.

So today I was riding the bus home from work. Looking out the large, high windows, my gaze fell beyond the smoggy exhaust trailing behind us, and captured the grand SB Mountains. I noticed something I had seen many times before - - - but as I was staring at it, I had an original idea! :-)

During the fires that managed to turn most of our lush peaks into ash, firemen, at somepoint built a huge fireblock leading from the foothills STRAIGHT up to the top of the highest ridge.

My idea: climb it.
All the way. Find the base and just go straight up. Maybe spend the night somewhere in the middle and then finish it in the morning. I hope we can somehow do this before it gets covered in sage and shrubs and flowers.

And Fall Brings It's Most Tender Love...

Once again, this crisp falltide finds me spending days at the Shelter. And I have a new little loved one, bless his heart. How do these babies always manage to wrap me around their tiny hearts so fast and so tightly? It baffles me every time... and it enchants and pleases me and gives me so much peace and contentment everytime as well!

I had to wait ever so long to see this one's face; he hid it from me the first two times I saw him - cuddled in blankets, half asleep, half blocking out the world with his tiny fists, and firmly shut eyes.

But today, those little creases opened wide, and I was graced to receive a smile, escaping the cracks of his mouth, and pomegranate cheeks. (and itwas well worth the wait)

Poor boy has been in and out of shelters his whole short life. 2 1/2 years, and so much life - too much of the bad kind for this little heart. He does not say a word, but merely mumbles and coos, like an infant much his junior. He's not a normal little boy. But how could he be? He's had to suffer the effects of a deteriorating and failing world, time and time again.

They say he has autism. I think he's just hiding, and denying, and protecting himself. Little two-year-old soldier, my love.

Today we just sat outside on the swing and sang softly, and felt the cool autumn wind on our faces, watching the willow bend and float above us, and the cars pass by in the intersection just beyond the firestation.

And as we rocked... hope and love prevailed. We snuggled close... And as I wrapped him in my flannel shirt, I knew that this boy has a chance...

...and I want to do all I can so that it doesn't pass him by...

Long time coming....

You may ask what I did today. Well, I shall tell you.
Aside from my usual run-of-the-mill daily activities, [such as roping cattle and hang gliding over perilous cliffs], I... (drum-roll) deleted my facebook.

Yes, this is a new era in my life. And this was the first step. I'm hoping it will revolutionize my life.
You see... I simply fathom that.....

There are too many good books to read, too many unwritten letters, too many instruments that need playing, things to create, places to go, sunsets to watch, rivers to forge, etc... :-) that I really don't have time for such frivolities as social networking sites.

But not to get into a debate about said site's pros and cons - I am not diabolically opposed to such establishments. But for now, it's best I take a break.

A special thanks goes out to Gracie, who walked me through the process, and caught me in googletalk on the otherside, and who promised to send me stuff in the mail - I am excited about this new epoch of our relationship. :-D Lol.

So for now, this blog must serve as my outlet if ever I am suffering from facebook-withdrawl. I admit, cold-turkey has never been my strong point. :-/ (That's why I'm not moving to the Himalayas to live in a mud hut away from all technology... just yet. We have to take it in strides.)

But here we go, anyways!